It’s just another manic tuesday

Lately, I’m really letting sadness take me over.  I don’t know whether it’s the weather or life or dissatisfaction with most things that makes me resort to a state of apathy.  I’m losing myself slowly.  In a mix of suppressing who I am around my peers and missing someone who is so deeply entwined within my heart and soul.  There’s such a lack of consistency yet at the same time a routine that just makes me feel numb.  Surely, the numbness is wearing off.

All things aside, there is an ever apparent fact in the back of my head I just know that God’s love never fails me, never leaves me, and I know I need Him so badly.  I was reading an old friend’s journal and she was saying how she really hasn’t sought God as much as she should, and in that circumstance, she felt more strongly than ever that God is real.  It’s interesting because, there are so many times when I feel God drawing me back to Him…calling me back through words to a song or encouraging thoughts.  I know they are not mine, they are His desire for me to draw near.

I don’t want to lose who I am.  And sometimes I feel like it’s too late.  I forget what these forward steps are for.  God and He  inside me never changes.  I can always lean that.  These words are just forever repeating in my mind.

Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.

In love never to end,
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.

So I throw my life upon all You are,
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me,
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You,
Where the love lasts forever.

~ by monicafox on February 27, 2008.